It’s been a while since my last piece.


After coming out of the very harsh, Sydney, 12LGA lockdown last year I made a choice to change things up.

Like many of you, I had been asking myself the big questions:

What do I really want for my life moving forward?
Where do I want to be living?
Who will my choices impact the most?
Why do I want this?

I’ve spent more time offline this year doing the work, taking myself through the change process and here we are, at the end of this calendar year so I thought I’d share where I’m at.

The what do I really want became clear, an estate, legacy home/property for my family. As rents and interest rates have continued to rise, the desire to be a property owner without a mortgage became very strong for me. We have five daughters, two of which have children of their own. I want them to always have a sanctuary called home that they can retreat to when life gets hard and change is required. This is what home is for me, it’s my sanctuary, my sacred safe place.

In order to create this I realise the high 6-7 figures required which isn’t going to come with what o had been doing.

Putting it out there has resulted in two opportunities to create this, one a high level change management role and the other an investment to grow one of my other businesses so I said yes. Saying yea to these has meant I have had to push pause on launching Change School, which is my passion, it’s my life’s work and I know is there for me when it’s time.

The people this choice impacts the most is me and my family, which next to my health is my highest value.

This is why I’ve been offline, I’ve been head down, ass up.

Let me tell you, when you go after big expensive dreams, there are definitely sacrifices. Sacrifices of time and sacrifices of money, it means you have to push pause in some and sometimes all of the other things you enjoy doing. The reality is, if you want it, you have to DO the work to earn it and sometimes it’s fucking hard!


The whole “you can have it all” thing is a load of shit when you are creating. You can have it all eventually, just not at the same time.

As you reflect on your year, look back at how you have healed, how you have grown and how you have changed.
Look at what you’ve created, what you’ve done differently.
Look at who that has impacted and in what way.
Look at how you’ve changed.

What a year this has been.
I’ll drop by again when I have space to.


Merry Christmas.
Until next time, enjoy this little clip.
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​Coach Mel 💜
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What's the difference between freedom and independence?

This question has been with me all week, I've asked this question to a select group of colleagues, both coaches and magazine contributors. The varied perspectives, prompted me to ask you too.

As a coach, my focus is on the whole human, the physical, mental and spiritual elements of self. When I am working on the spiritual part of me, I read books, meditate, watch movies or TV, listen to music and exercise, to name a few of my practices that allow me to hear my intuition better.
I am often guided to a particular book, show or song in order to "get" the message or answer I am seeking. I always know when that moment comes and in this case it was the epic 1883 on Paramount and the incredible writing by the highly talented Taylor Sheridan. The quote that inspired this question, which I will share at the end, sparked my exploration of the difference between freedom and independence, which has been a deep one.

Freedom is a word that is everywhere, especially over the last few years, it's what most people are seeking, myself included. I can see how I, along with many have escaped control for independence but do we have freedom?

What I decided freedom is for me (right now), in it's authenticity, is this present moment. That's old news, there's many books written about it, however the practice of really being with the present moment and being in the experience of it, to feel the freedom of knowing that I, and only I am responsible for it and building strength in it, to master the skill of it excites me.

I love the idea that freedom is the adventure between birth and death, made up of longer moments savouring the present. The present moment is where we have absolute freedom over our thought, feelings, actions and therefore choices. Choice is such gift of humanity.

As you ponder this quote, what sparks for you?

What is the difference between freedom and independence for you?

"Freedom. To most, it is an idea. An abstract thought that pertains to control. That’s not freedom. That’s independence. Freedom is riding wild over untamed land with no notion any moment exists beyond the one you are living" Elsa Dutton

Until next Monday,
Coach Mel

Before I invite you to grab a cuppa and settle in to read this week’s addition, you will notice one of many changes to come at Courageous Coaching and that is the name of the blog.
I’ve been writing articles for an online publication recently and decided to write more for myself so here we go.

It’s taken me 8mths to get to the point where I am willing to share my story, my perspective and what it was like for me during the pandemic, specifically the last lockdown in Sydney which lasted almost 4mths.

As a human with a role of a life coach I feel it’s important to share this insight and I do so with the intention of helping you not feel so alone, I do so with the intention that you are inspired to share what it was like for you because every single human on this planet has been impacted by this thing called a pandemic in some way or another and the long term toll it has taken, particularly on peoples mental health is yet to be seen.

I know how it’s impacted my mental health and I’ve spent the last 12 weeks reconnecting with myself, regaining my clarity, refocusing my goals, and improving my mental health. I did this with the help of my friend and colleague Dee’s positive mental health program which she offers through her Be Unstoppable Foundation. I’ll share the link at the bottom of this post. One question I’ve been asked is “Why did you do another coaches program when you’re a coach?” Simple answer, I don’t know everything and whilst I do have a big toolbox full of solutions, I needed extra support in making sure I was meeting my own needs. I chose this program because it’s brilliant, effective and something I can now refer my clients to when I feel like I’m not the best fit. Like all professions we all have our areas of expertise and therefore differences and there is no one size fits all when it comes to anything human.

I used most of the tools in my toolbox just to survive the lockdown and I don’t use that word lightly because there were times I had low points. What made this last lockdown different for me was the feel of it. The seemingly blatant and targeted you and them vibe of it all. I was living in a luxury apartment 32 floors up in the heart of Parramatta CBD, one of the 12 LGA’s, the ones you may have seen on the “news” with helicopters, police patrolling the streets, curfews, checkpoints etc. It was real and for someone, who a very long time ago was a victim of DV it began to feel familiar. The coercive control of it triggered something from my past that I hadn’t felt for a good 16yrs and that was the feeling of being a victim in a DV relationship, only this time my abuser was the government. To be told I could only go outside to exercise for one hour a day, that I needed a valid reason to be outside, that I could only earn money if I had a permit to leave my 5km radius, then I could only earn money if I had a permit and one dose of an injection, then that I could only leave living under these circumstances if I had received two doses of an injection and If I didn’t follow these “rules” that the consequences of hefty fines and at the worst case prison left me feeling trapped, I felt like I had no control over my life. To see other parts of Sydney free to move, go to the beach, catch up for picnics etc while being trapped like that was tough mentally.

I have grown into a mentally tough person since my personal healing journey began some 26yrs ago; my mental health is usually quite strong, but this tested every part of me. I found myself reverting to old ways of coping, which at the height of my DV was OCD behaviours. I had limited things in my control, so I went to the extreme on them.

As soon as possible, in fact a couple of weeks before the LGA’s got released from lockdown I relocated out of Sydney because I had reached my limit.
It wasn’t until I was out of that environment, I realised the real impact it had on me, I didn’t want to leave the safety of my home, when I did, I was anxious to the point of nausea. This had something to do with being verbally abused by an aggressive man on one of approved daily shopping runs in lockdown. I began to realise how much of myself I had to shut down just to survive it and get through. I still had to home-school an 8yr old, I still had to do my best to meet her needs while many of my own went unmet for such a prolonged period.

To see my child playing on the street with other children after school, climbing trees, using her imagination, and making up games with rocks, to take her for a walk without being stopped by police asking where we were going and why (then having to explain to her why police stopped us) had me in tears almost every day, tears of relief and gratitude. It’s been the best move, into a wonderful community.

I have allowed myself the time to let my nervous system recalibrate, I have allowed myself the time to heal and I have allowed myself to be helped, to be coached and get back to feeling like myself again, to feel mentally healthy and strong again. The whole version of me that has balance and harmony between my physical health, mental health, and spiritual health, which as coach is where my strength is in helping others.

Over the last few months as I’ve been reconnecting with people and getting back into work, I have come across many women who could relate to my story and they were brave enough to share theirs too and they have been brave enough to do the work on themselves to recover because it is not easy but worth it.
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Be kind to yourself
Until next Monday with Mel…

Check out the Be Unstoppable Foundation and the incredible work they are doing, especially for children.

www.beunstoppablefoundation.org/

 
The Alchemist  by Paulo Coelho
 
Y'know those books you read once and have such a profound effect on you that you read them over and over?
 
I read The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho in my 20’s and have re-read it many times over the years. It called to me from the bookshelf again the other day like it had some new illumination it wanted to share or a new epiphany it wanted me to have.
 
It’s the magical story of Santiago whose life adventures teach us about the importance of listening to our hearts and learning to read omens we receive throughout our life in order to discover our life’s purpose.
 
There are so many life-affirming, “a-ha” moments in this book and I wanted to share 5 quotes with you that really resonated with me. They are words I’m sure we can all relate to. I want to know what pearls of wisdom you have received from this book, so please feel free to share below in the comments.

1. “When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too.” 
 
I discovered during COVID lockdown that the best and worst of me showed up to the party at various stages. I quickly noticed that when I felt nourished and in a positive place that the energy of the household was in harmony. Like the old parable about which wolf is the strongest, the black or the white wolf - it is definitely the one you feed.

2. “Usually the threat of death makes people a lot more aware of their lives”.
 
This quote resonated with me, as I am sure it will with most of you, that when you are staring death in the face (or see a loved one go through pain), the important things in life come into focus with greater clarity. Isn’t it strange that it often takes the death of a loved one, a diagnosis for yourself or another great change-inducing trauma to make a shift in your actions and consciousness.

3. “I don’t want to change anything because I don’t know how to deal with change. I’m used to the way I am.”
 
Wow - spoken like any person we know that is “stuck in their ways” and cannot see the growth that awaits them when they shift their mindset ever so slightly. Often these people desperately want to change but the fear of failure or the discomfort of being uncomfortable will stop them from realisng that dream. If this resonates with you and you are actually willing to change (but just not sure how) - a chat with a coach is a great place to take the first step. Mel and I offer free chats so please reach out - I know you have the courage to.

4. “That disaster taught me… to understand that people need not fear the unknown if they are capable of achieving what they need and want”.
 
The word disaster caught my eye in this sentence as I love reading insights about rising from the ashes of adversity. I had a mindset shift last year when instead of viewing “the unknown” and “uncertainty” through the eyes of “fear” I instead chose to view them through the curious eyes of an adventure explorer or pioneering social scientist. I know it sounds peculiar, but when the curiosity of what adversity is trying to teach us becomes more powerful than the FEAR, it can result in enthusiasm and, dare I say it, joy.

5. Santiago: “Why should I listen to my heart?”. Alchemist: “Because  you will never again be able to keep it quiet. Even if you pretend not to have heard what it tells you, it will always be there inside you, repeating to you what you’re thinking about life and about the world.”
 
Well, ain’t that the truth! That niggling feeling is your intuition and your true heart’s desire. Have the courage to listen to it. Please. When that voice/feeling/vision of “what could be” overwhelms you, call me. I've been there, I know the feeling well. The world needs you to live your true purpose. “To realise one’s destiny is a person’s only obligation” - The Alchemist
 
Grab your own copy of The Alchemist and see what secrets you unearth!
 
Have a happy start to Winter (or Summer for you northern-hemisphere folk!)
 
Love and light to you beautiful souls,
​Steph xx
 
#CoachSteph 

The Alchemist - on sale at Booktopia - https://booktopia.kh4ffx.net/D71Dq

Are you ready to slow down? If not, well, that’s kinda too bad. You are being invited to pause. To hit the RESET button.

Weird time isn’t it? Understatement of the century Steph!

I read the following this week and, as it perfectly captured my thoughts, I wanted to share it here:

“Few of us ever imagined a situation as pervasive and scary as the Coronavirus pandemic, but I have hope that we can turn this crisis into a unique opportunity for our children and for us to build the special kind of resilience that comes from facing adversity. Crises like this one give our innate emotional survival skills the chance to grow stronger.”

Many of you, like myself and Coach Mel, are currently in the near impossible situation of having to work from home, homeschool our children, manage our dwindling finances and run a household. Many of us also make room to check in with our elders, siblings, friends AND search the continent for toilet paper stocks! I am sure stress levels across the globe are at an all time high.

But… what if we could view this time in a different light. As the quote above muses, what if this time was given to us a unique gift, an opportunity to drop down, to reconnect the the important things in our lives, the time to change the things in our lives we seem to never have enough time for. We have time now. 

But… you might be scared. You might be fearful of what is to come; because you can’t see it/hear it/taste it, you don’t know what the new normal will be or when it is going to start. The finances might start becoming so low you are not sure how you will keep afloat.

You want desperately to adapt to this new way of life, to embrace this time as an opportunity to move your life in a new direction, but perhaps you are unsure how.

I get it. This was me. All of it and on some days right now it still is. None of us are getting it all “right” (whatever that is) but at the same time we are getting it as right as we can RIGHT NOW.

About a year ago I decided to jump off the very fast-moving treadmill I found myself on. I had my blinkers on, head down, churning-it-out and I had no idea when a pause in my life might come. I was in full-blown survival mode. Two very young kids, working a busy full-time job and my marriage and friendships were taking a backseat. I was completely stuck in a rut.  I went to some dark places emotionally. I was asleep at the wheel of my life, being carried along by the tide.

Actually - when I say I decided to jump off the fast-moving treadmill what I actually mean is that I was kinda pushed off. A steady work contract I had for many years came to an unexpected end and wasn't prepared, I had blinkers on and just didn’t see it coming. It forced me to pause. It asked me to rediscover where I wanted to spend my energy.

This time of pause came not long after I read a book that changed how I chose how to live from that day forward. You might say the book and the job-loss came hand-in-hand to teach me something. It was certainly not an over-night change, it is very much still evolving but the book, Slow - Live life simply, started with this line: 

"Dear Mr & Mrs Jones, I am writing to inform you of my withdrawal from the race to keep up with you . . ."

WHA? Really? It’s that simple. Hallelujah, I thought! It had me hooked, so I read on.

Throughout the book, the author Brooke McAlary encouraged me to find “out what the most important thing in your life is and put that at the centre of your life everyday”. 

Great, Yep, super easy. Um, yeah, I had NO IDEA how to do that. I needed a plan. I actually needed a coach...but I only learned that later.

The plan came later in the book when Ms McAlary describes the exercise she undertook where she wrote her own eulogy - the words she hoped her children would say about her after she died. It sounds morbid but stay with me. What she penned were three lines where the essence of who she always wanted to be shone through and none of it included power, money or material things.

At that stage I wasn’t living like the person for which I wanted to be remembered. My kids probably didn't even like me; I didn’t like me so why would my friends, husband or colleagues? There was ZERO joy. Everything was a pain in my ass.

What shifted? My mindset. Then EVERYTHING. As the saying goes, “if you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change”.

I have discovered that my purpose is to support people to redesign a vision for their future, to hold their hands through the bumpy bits, encourage them to greatness and to keep them moving closer to their desires, one-small-step-at-a-time. It might seem simplistic to some but it is actually a skill. One that we are not innately taught. You have to learn it; sadly it doesn't always come naturally to people.

But that’s what coaching is, it’s helping you strategise and redesign your future, it's not mentoring (I don’t need to have done what you want to do) or counselling (my advice won’t “fix you” - because you don’t need fixing). Coaching is game planning. It’s getting you in the zone to plan the game the best you can.  Do you have a plan? It’s a friggin big question. But if you answer it and plan for it; realised hopes and dreams can be a result.

The time of pause is a great chance to get game-ready. Think of it like the off-season.

If you want to get ready for your next chapter I am keen to hear from you. I am currently offering FREE 30 min introduction strategy sessions - happy to chat, ZERO obligations. I’m keen to hear your thoughts.

CLICK HERE to set up a time to chat via Zoom. If the appointment times don’t suit you - email me - [email protected] - happy to find a time that works for your schedule.

Big love, remember - you're here to sparkle

Steph xx

#coachsteph

Order Slow, Life Life Simply by Brooke McAlary from Booktopia
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I have been musing on the words, Accept and Surrender, over the past few weeks as I comprehend our collective ‘new normal’. For many people, the stillness that the corona virus has brought to our lives has been both unnerving and triggering.

Acceptance of the current ‘what is’ can be challenging when you wish the circumstance you are in was different.

Surrendering to your lack of control in a situation like this can feel unnatural and uncomfortable.

During times of crisis, people who have learned how to be resilient in the face of adversity, thrive. 

The people who simply survive are those who resist the ‘what is’ that has been thrust their way; they often ‘grin and bear it’ ungraciously.

Some people allow fear, scarcity and paranoia to take over their mind, body and spirit.

Which category do you fit into? Are you in one camp but wish you were in the other? Are you a survivor and wish you were a thriver? If so, you might need to readjust your mindset about this whole, crazy new time we find ourselves in. Our. It’s collective.

Mel and I want to make this current time of crazy just that little but easier for people so we are running online workshops working through her signature program The Ritual of Change™ which outlines and deep dive into the nine separate phases in the process of change.

In the online workshop we break down, into bite-size bits of understanding, what happens for you when change comes knocking unexpectedly or when you’ve discovered that you are seeking a change in your life.

Every time we encounter change, whether it is forced or intentional, we have to pass through these very specific nine phases to come out successfully on the other side.

Not surprisingly one of the most important early phases is acceptance. Acceptance of ‘what is’.

If you’d like to explore further where you are and how you can change being in survivor to a thriver we’d love you to join us.
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