What's the difference between freedom and independence?

This question has been with me all week, I've asked this question to a select group of colleagues, both coaches and magazine contributors. The varied perspectives, prompted me to ask you too.

As a coach, my focus is on the whole human, the physical, mental and spiritual elements of self. When I am working on the spiritual part of me, I read books, meditate, watch movies or TV, listen to music and exercise, to name a few of my practices that allow me to hear my intuition better.
I am often guided to a particular book, show or song in order to "get" the message or answer I am seeking. I always know when that moment comes and in this case it was the epic 1883 on Paramount and the incredible writing by the highly talented Taylor Sheridan. The quote that inspired this question, which I will share at the end, sparked my exploration of the difference between freedom and independence, which has been a deep one.

Freedom is a word that is everywhere, especially over the last few years, it's what most people are seeking, myself included. I can see how I, along with many have escaped control for independence but do we have freedom?

What I decided freedom is for me (right now), in it's authenticity, is this present moment. That's old news, there's many books written about it, however the practice of really being with the present moment and being in the experience of it, to feel the freedom of knowing that I, and only I am responsible for it and building strength in it, to master the skill of it excites me.

I love the idea that freedom is the adventure between birth and death, made up of longer moments savouring the present. The present moment is where we have absolute freedom over our thought, feelings, actions and therefore choices. Choice is such gift of humanity.

As you ponder this quote, what sparks for you?

What is the difference between freedom and independence for you?

"Freedom. To most, it is an idea. An abstract thought that pertains to control. That’s not freedom. That’s independence. Freedom is riding wild over untamed land with no notion any moment exists beyond the one you are living" Elsa Dutton

Until next Monday,
Coach Mel

Before I invite you to grab a cuppa and settle in to read this week’s addition, you will notice one of many changes to come at Courageous Coaching and that is the name of the blog.
I’ve been writing articles for an online publication recently and decided to write more for myself so here we go.

It’s taken me 8mths to get to the point where I am willing to share my story, my perspective and what it was like for me during the pandemic, specifically the last lockdown in Sydney which lasted almost 4mths.

As a human with a role of a life coach I feel it’s important to share this insight and I do so with the intention of helping you not feel so alone, I do so with the intention that you are inspired to share what it was like for you because every single human on this planet has been impacted by this thing called a pandemic in some way or another and the long term toll it has taken, particularly on peoples mental health is yet to be seen.

I know how it’s impacted my mental health and I’ve spent the last 12 weeks reconnecting with myself, regaining my clarity, refocusing my goals, and improving my mental health. I did this with the help of my friend and colleague Dee’s positive mental health program which she offers through her Be Unstoppable Foundation. I’ll share the link at the bottom of this post. One question I’ve been asked is “Why did you do another coaches program when you’re a coach?” Simple answer, I don’t know everything and whilst I do have a big toolbox full of solutions, I needed extra support in making sure I was meeting my own needs. I chose this program because it’s brilliant, effective and something I can now refer my clients to when I feel like I’m not the best fit. Like all professions we all have our areas of expertise and therefore differences and there is no one size fits all when it comes to anything human.

I used most of the tools in my toolbox just to survive the lockdown and I don’t use that word lightly because there were times I had low points. What made this last lockdown different for me was the feel of it. The seemingly blatant and targeted you and them vibe of it all. I was living in a luxury apartment 32 floors up in the heart of Parramatta CBD, one of the 12 LGA’s, the ones you may have seen on the “news” with helicopters, police patrolling the streets, curfews, checkpoints etc. It was real and for someone, who a very long time ago was a victim of DV it began to feel familiar. The coercive control of it triggered something from my past that I hadn’t felt for a good 16yrs and that was the feeling of being a victim in a DV relationship, only this time my abuser was the government. To be told I could only go outside to exercise for one hour a day, that I needed a valid reason to be outside, that I could only earn money if I had a permit to leave my 5km radius, then I could only earn money if I had a permit and one dose of an injection, then that I could only leave living under these circumstances if I had received two doses of an injection and If I didn’t follow these “rules” that the consequences of hefty fines and at the worst case prison left me feeling trapped, I felt like I had no control over my life. To see other parts of Sydney free to move, go to the beach, catch up for picnics etc while being trapped like that was tough mentally.

I have grown into a mentally tough person since my personal healing journey began some 26yrs ago; my mental health is usually quite strong, but this tested every part of me. I found myself reverting to old ways of coping, which at the height of my DV was OCD behaviours. I had limited things in my control, so I went to the extreme on them.

As soon as possible, in fact a couple of weeks before the LGA’s got released from lockdown I relocated out of Sydney because I had reached my limit.
It wasn’t until I was out of that environment, I realised the real impact it had on me, I didn’t want to leave the safety of my home, when I did, I was anxious to the point of nausea. This had something to do with being verbally abused by an aggressive man on one of approved daily shopping runs in lockdown. I began to realise how much of myself I had to shut down just to survive it and get through. I still had to home-school an 8yr old, I still had to do my best to meet her needs while many of my own went unmet for such a prolonged period.

To see my child playing on the street with other children after school, climbing trees, using her imagination, and making up games with rocks, to take her for a walk without being stopped by police asking where we were going and why (then having to explain to her why police stopped us) had me in tears almost every day, tears of relief and gratitude. It’s been the best move, into a wonderful community.

I have allowed myself the time to let my nervous system recalibrate, I have allowed myself the time to heal and I have allowed myself to be helped, to be coached and get back to feeling like myself again, to feel mentally healthy and strong again. The whole version of me that has balance and harmony between my physical health, mental health, and spiritual health, which as coach is where my strength is in helping others.

Over the last few months as I’ve been reconnecting with people and getting back into work, I have come across many women who could relate to my story and they were brave enough to share theirs too and they have been brave enough to do the work on themselves to recover because it is not easy but worth it.
​
Be kind to yourself
Until next Monday with Mel…

Check out the Be Unstoppable Foundation and the incredible work they are doing, especially for children.

www.beunstoppablefoundation.org/