Let me re-introduce myself.
I am Melissa
I have many roles that I step into, Wife, Mother, Co-Mother, Sister, Friend, Daughter, Aunty, Glam-ma, Coach, Massage Therapist, Niece, Teacher, Facilitator, Creator.
None of these roles make me who I am. I make the roles.
What makes me, Me is in the most pure form my soul, it gave me my instinctive character, it drives me to create and gift the world in ways that allow me to live this human journey by helping me create an income which is a requirement for this life.
What makes me, Me is the learned and lived experiences, which are made up of my beliefs and values. I’ve had to unravel so many that we’re imprinted on me during childhood and release the ones I no longer subscribe to.
The ones I cherish and hold dear are ones like this. When asked recently what strength is for me my instinct was “elegance”.
I grew up in country NSW and was blessed with grandmothers who showed me that strength is elegance. It’s very foundational in the work I’m doing now and the programs I am creating.
I am an old soul which means I have a lot of gifted wisdom from sacred sources.
I often get asked my age which I am very proud of, I have been living this human journey for 41 years now which means I have a very varied collection of lived experiences to draw on to serve the world the way I do.
I am not a fan of labels so talking about myself, giving credentials, writing “marketing” material etc is a challenge for me because it’s all about labels.
As the year comes to an end I am doing my thing which is reflecting, extracting the wisdom from lessons and creating what I desire in 2019.
I hope this helps you understand me a little better.
I am grateful to all of you who have worked with me this year, that have trusted me to help you and it brings me so much joy to see the changes you have made in your lives as a result of applying what you learned.
Seeing the difference you make to your own lives is what makes the difference to me.
Thank you 🙏🏽💜💎🌈⭐️
One of the many things that are important to me is to stay real and authentic.
Whilst I have educational credentials it’s the lived experience that matters the most to me, not only in how I show up but I seek out the lived experiences in those I want to collaborate with and bring on board too.
It’s easy to read books, sit in lectures, buy degrees and even attend workshops but all that does is equip you with skills so that when life kicks you in the butt you know what to do to overcome the situations you are in or help someone else.
The work is never done, it’s always learn, practice, apply.
When life is smooth sailing there’s not much to do but when a storm hits, when it’s unpredictable and at first you don’t know what to do that’s where having someone on your boat that knows what to do, that’s safely sailed out of the storm is important.
I often hear “well you’re a coach you must know everything, things must be good for you”
I get told I should have a more corporate style, look more professional, model off other coaches.
Not a chance, it’s not me. Who I am makes my role as coach not the other way around.
I am a real person, working with real people experiencing real life.
Let me share this with you from my personal FB page and take a glimpse into real life. This is a post from Late November '18' after my daughter had been MIA for 5 days.
I am human, my life gets real AF, I am tested just as much as you are. I just have a unique set of skills to call on to help me navigate life.
Teaching those skills to others is what I love to do.
Grab a drink!🥃☕️
Yesterday I did something I never thought I’d ever do as a parent.
After seeking professional advice, based on no one being able to verbally or physically verify any communication from my daughter and the unfortunate world we live in where random meet ups on the internet are the thing to do it was decided by police that she was to be considered a missing person 💔
By late afternoon she hadn’t responded to any efforts by police to communicate with her. After a few messages sent by police from my phone we got a phone call from her, whilst I was able to verify it was her voice they weren’t satisfied she was safe and her welfare ok so she was to present herself to the nearest police station on the Gold Coast where she said she was. I had a call from police after lunch today to inform me that she had presented herself and was safe.
Her father spoke to her for the first time this evening and she agreed to return home.
The two most FAQ or comments I’ve been receiving during this life changing week have been these. I will address them.
1. Is she on drugs?
I believe my daughter is intelligent enough not to choose to go down that road and my belief is no.
The reality is, the only one who has that answer is her. I’m not going to assume or make a judgement otherwise.
2. “I’m sorry this is happening to you”
Nothing is happening to me.
My daughter is choosing for herself, everything that is happening is happening to her and for her. This is her life, her choices.
As a mother first, who I am as a woman makes that role. Motherhood is about me and me only.
My character has been tested, my Soul has been learning and I have had to choose how I wanted to show up in all this.
I’ve chosen to practice unconditional love, to trust my mothers instincts and be open.
As a parent (which is all about them) the whole point is to empower your children with the skills they need and a good grounding of values and beliefs so when they go out into the world on their own and begin the unraveling in order to become who THEY choose to be.
Whilst I may not agree with how she has gone about this particular break away and it’s her character that has also been tested she really is doing what I raised her to do.
I wanted to raise empowered young women who would be curious about the world, who would question everything and choose for themselves.
The letting go is always the biggest challenge.
The Ritual of Change™ has begun for both of us and we will either complete it and evolve or stay still until life begins the process again.
I feel so much love and peace now.
Repeat after me
“The choices other people make and don’t make, have nothing to do with me.”
Take a minute and let that land on you.
If someone chooses to walk away from your life without saying a word it is a choice they are making for reasons only they know. Taking on blame is pointless.
If someone chooses to lie to you, cheat on you or betray you in any way, it a choice they are making for their own reasons. Taking on blame is pointless
If someone chooses to hurt you, they are making a choice to do that for reasons only they know. Taking on blame is pointless
Women seem to have a default setting that says “it all my fault”
Granted society in a lot of ways have programmed that over generations but the truth of it is this.
No one is perfect and we each have to take a step back in any situation, reflect and ask ourselves this honestly “what was my part in this” there will always be one but that’s for you to determine and work through.
Placing blame or accepting blame is an avoidance tactic to take you away from dealing wth the actual internal stuff you need to deal with and grow through in order to become the “real” you.
Try it, when someone try’s to blame you for something step back and ask “is this mine to own?” If yes then deal with it. If no, let it go.
Watch how your body feels, how much lighter do you feel, how much more time do you have?
When you go to blame someone ask yourself “Is this mine to own?” If the answer is yes then deal with and release the other person from the drama.
When there’s no one else to blame, there’s only one place left to look!
Ok women read this one carefully.
As one of my mentors Lisa Nichols says “money is a dignified conversation to have” and that’s the one I’m starting with you today.
When I do a first coaching session I have clients rate themselves in 7 keys areas of life out of 10, the area of finance and money is one of them so I know the numbers.
If you haven’t worked with me yet in any capacity then know my intention is to unravel you, to challenge your beliefs and help you change in order to become who you want to be in order to create the life you want to have.
Taking women from exisiting to really living is where it’s at.
I know for most families men are the main income earner and men often manage the money. If this is your household you are going to want to pay extra close attention.
During a training session with some of my mentors & coaches on the weekend I learned a formula that blew my mind and gave me a hard reality check so I’m sharing with you now.
You will need pen, paper & calculator (unless your a mind math person)
1. Write down the amount you saved last year. Be brutally honest with this number, it might be 0.
2. Based on retirement age being 65 how many years until your main income earner hits that? Write it down. (You can do this for each of you later)
3. Number from 1 x Number from 2
Eg. $7000 x 21yrs = $147,000
This number is the total savings (not incl interest accrued) you will have by age 65 on top of your super.
4. How many years after retirement age do you think you will live?
Eg. 30 so until age 95
5. Divide the number from 3 by number of years
Eg. $147,000 divided by 30yrs = $4,900
This number is what you would have to live off annually.
6. Divide answer from 5 by 52.
Eg. $4,900 divided by 52 = $94.20
This is how much you would have weekly on top of your super to live off.
Now if you keep saving the number you did last year is this going to be enough for you?
How are you feeling now?
My instinct was fuck no that’s not enough, I better get hustling.
It’s important for women to take responsibility for their own financial well being and I’ll tell you why.
Life can change in the blink of an eye and if all of a sudden you become the person solely responsible for your finances are you ready?
I know 15yrs ago when I became suddenly single with 3 & 4yr old girls to raise and no work history for 5.5yrs I wasn’t. I made it a priority and still do.
This area in my own life is the one I am working on this year to shift closer to a 10. I have a clear plan.
Do you? What’s your plan?
Would you like help coming up with one?
I wrote this in July 2018 i just wasn't tech savvy enough to post it then :)
One of the toughest challenges I’ve had in my 18yrs of parenthood is accepting the times when I’ve had to let go of my children and accepting the times when I can’t fix their pain. I can tell you there have been a few, they have been huge and life changing all round.
When our babies are little we can fix most things with hugs, as they begin teenage years most things can be fixed with chocolate but then there are the times when you just cannot do anything but let go and just love.
My 17yr old baby learned on Monday evening that her cat was fatally ill and would more than likely need to be put down.
She was heartbroken to say the least. This little kitty has become part of our family through being her BFF and more importantly he was excellent therapy for anxiety and depression.
To accept I couldn’t fix it and love her through the pain of it all has been a challenge.
If you haven’t yet faced this in your parenting journey I can tell you that your children will present you with times that will leave you feeling helpless AF, to accept there’s nothing you can do to fix them or the situation will call on the deepest parts of you so you can let go.
“Love that child with all of your soul
But there’s one hard thing that you need to know
If you really want your love to show
Know when to hold on and when to let go”
Above lyrics from a song off Heartland (I may have binged watched it on Netflix more than once)